Doomed
by camihere
Summary: Brucas. Brooke is doomed to forever love Lucas and she knows it. Lucas isn't sure about his feelings towards Lindsey and Peyton, and Brooke's the only one who knows him enough to tell him about his own feelings. One-Shot.


**Doomed**

Emily Dickinson once wrote: "Unable are the loved to die, for love is immortality."

My greatest fear has always been to be forgotten. When I was in High School, all I wanted to do was to go out there and change the world forever, like a friend once told me I would. I wished to make the world a better place, to change people's lives… I feared being forgotten for the rest of eternity, like so many were.

I think I was always forgotten by those who knew me, so I just didn't want to be forgotten by the rest of the world as well.

Until I met Lucas Eugene Scott.

Since he first looked at me, I knew he was mine. I didn't know it yet, and he definitely didn't know it yet.

As time went by, I got to know Lucas better than anyone else. I'm the only one who notices that he looks down when he's about to laugh at something that embarrasses him, but he really doesn't want to show… And I'm the only one who notices how he looks up without taking his eyes off of yours when he talks about something he loves.

I'm the only one who knows every single move he's about to make before he even thinks of it. But, for some reason, Lucas was never boring to me. On the contrary, he was a mystery.

I used to spend nights and nights awake, staring at his face, wondering what he was dreaming of. Was he dreaming about me? Was he dreaming about us? Was he dreaming about Peyton?

But now this is over.

Sure, Lucas still looks up when he talks about something he loves and he still looks down when he's trying to hide his embarrassment… And I'm still sure I know him better than Peyton ever will.

When Lucas stares at Peyton, I can see love in his eyes. But I can also see love in his eyes as he looks at Haley, Jamie, Nathan, Lily, Karen and Andy.

But I never could figure out what was in his eyes when he stares at me. It was so much different than when he looked at everyone else… And I felt so good when he looked at me like that.

And right now, as I stare at his beautiful blue eyes, I still wonder the same thing I always did…

"Lucas, what do you think when you stare at me?"

I could have said that. I could have asked that and I could have received an honest answer. But I didn't ask him that. Instead, I make a stupid joke.

"Once again, a great wedding speech is lost, uh?" I say.

He looks up from the paper he was staring at and I can see pain in his eyes. But still, somewhere behind all this pain, I can still see that look. That look he had in his eyes when he stared at me. It bugs me, so I look away and sit down next to him. He is no longer wearing his black, elegant tuxedo. Instead, he's wearing a white shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. For a moment my stomach sinks when my left arm gently brushes against his right one.

"I guess it's just my luck." His laughter was bitter as he stared at his feet, which I knew was something he did when he was angry and sad at the same time. When he felt lost and frustrated.

"Don't say that," I didn't hesitate before I put one hand on his uncovered arm, but I regret a second later, because that spark I feel everytime I touch him is still there. But I keep my hand there, for he needed a friend. He needed hope. "People who are meant to be together always find their way in the end."

"What if I'm not meant to be with Lindsey?" he asks. He finally looks up and stares at my eyes. A shiver runs down my spine, but I pretend that I'm just cold.

"Then it's a good thing you didn't marry her," I want to look away, but I can't. There was something inside that ocean that was like glue, for it imprisoned my eyes. "Trust me, there's nothing worse than a marriage without love. My parents were like that, and look at how I was."

"Yeah, but what if…" he finally looks away and I instantly miss his glance, but I'm still somewhat relieved. "What if I'm meant to be with Peyton?"

My heart breaks as my brain processes his words, like it does everytime I read his first novel. I was just a chapter in his life, in his book… and Peyton… Peyton was all of it. But I am still happy that I'm a whole chapter of his book, because those few words he wrote about me were only about me and no one else. The words he wrote about me were full of love and honesty.

It didn't really matter to me that I wasn't the one for him, because deep in my heart I always knew he was the one for me. I knew, that day on the beach… he was the guy for me. As he said those words God must have heard them, as those would be a curse for the rest of my life.

So I fill my heart with courage and I say the words that hurt me the most.

"Then you'll be with Peyton."

"Yeah, but what if I don't want to be with Peyton?" he asks. My heart breaks once again because I know he's meant to be with her, not me. And, once again, I'm the one who must remind him of it.

"No one's meant to be with someone unless they love each other," I say. The words echo in my head until I go to bed that day, because he didn't love me… because we weren't meant to be together.

"That's the problem!" He looks up once again and my heart jumps. His eyes were determinate, desperate for me to understand. "I don't love Peyton anymore. Everyone keeps saying that I love her, but… She's not the comet. She's not _the_ comet. You know?"

"Is Lindsey the comet?" I ask. He laughs.

"No…" he looks up, but it's not like when he talks about something he loves. It's like when he tries to explain his feelings to you when not even he is sure about what's going on inside his heart. His eyes wander all over the ceiling, as if he's looking for his answers somewhere high above. "At first I tried to convince myself what the comet was about, but I just can't… I can't figure out what it's about."

"But… is it honest?" I ask. He looks at me with questioning eyes, so I try to make myself clear. "The book. Does it show everything that's inside your heart?"

"Yes," he seems surprised. "It does. But I guess my feelings are just too confusing… even for me."

"Can I read it?" I ask. He seems even more surprised. "Can I read the book?"

"Uh, sure." He seems a little nervous now.

But it doesn't really matter, because I know that I'll find out what the comet really is and I'll help him figure out his feelings. If I can't be happy with him, then at least I'll try to make him happy with someone else… But I know that I'll never love any other man as much as I love him.

So I hold onto the idea of having a baby for dear life.

XOXOXOXO

That night, as I read Lucas' book, my eyes filled with tears and they just kept falling and falling down my face. Every single word of it was the most beautiful word I had ever read, for the book was about me. The book described my feelings exactly, and just then I knew what the comet was about.

So I close the book as I read the last few words and don't give myself one single second to regain composure. I instantly pick up the phone and I dial Lucas' number quickly.

"Hello?" He answers. His voice doesn't sound groggy as it always does when I wake him up in the middle of the night. It sounds wide awake and tired.

"Hey, Broody," I use the old nickname because I know it always brings a smile to his face, even though it hurts so much for me to say it.

"You're crying?" He sounds worried, and that only makes me love him even more.

"I finished reading your book," I say. My voice fails for a second, but then I find it and continue talking. "It is beautiful. It was like you saw my whole heart and wrote it down so I could understand my feelings."

"What are you talking about, Brooke?" For a moment I felt as if he was about to say "Pretty Girl" instead of my actual name.

"The comet," I say. I let out a strangled sob I didn't want him to hear, but I can't help it. I can't lie to him in order to make Peyton happy. I must tell him the truth at least one more time before I can get him back together with the person who he truly loves. "I'm sorry, but it's about Peyton."

"Why does-" I interrupt him:

"It's about Peyton. And it's about Keith. And it's about me, and Haley, and Nathan, and Karen. And it's mostly about you, Luke."

He was quiet after that, processing my words, but I knew he was still there, because I could still hear his breath. It made me calm down, so I wiped away my tears and talked again:

"It's about High School, Luke," I say. "It's about who we used to be and who we wanted to be. It's about the certainty we used to have back then, when no one and nothing could bring us down. It's about when we thought we could change the world."

My words have an affect in him, because he's still quiet.

"But you gotta let go of the past, Luke. You have to let go of the past, because it will return. And I know it's hard and I know you wish you were still there, but you aren't. We aren't. We have to let go of the past."

"I thought I had let go of the past one year ago, when I finally let go of Peyton," he says. His voice is soft, full of realization. "But you are right. I'm not over it yet."

So I close my eyes and I pretend the past he can't let go of is the past he had with me. I feel the tears flooding my eyes again, but I do nothing to stop them.

"I'm scared," he admits. "Of letting go of the past and living the future. I'm scared."

"Aren't we all?" I say, sure that my voice sounded nothing but honest.

Then we stay in silence for several minutes, just listening to each other breathing. And we both know that we're going to help each other let go of the past. And I also know that Lucas was my past, but he also is my present and my future, for I was doomed to love him for the rest of my days.

"You did change the world, you know, Brooke," he says. My eyes instantly fill with tears, because I know he's about to say something really sweet like he did so many times before. "When I look at you, that's what I think. I think… Wow, that girl has done so much! That girl is a complete and total success. And not only professionally speaking, Brooke. You've been changing the world every single day since you were born… and you'll continue to change it even after you die. And it's really sad that you can't see that."

I know he can hear my sobs, but I don't really care. I just hold onto the phone for dear life and close my eyes. I can almost see him smiling at me right now, because I know he is.

And that thought brings a smile to my face, because I know I know Lucas better than anyone else in the world, and I know he knows that too. With that thought, I changed my mind. Not only was Lucas the guy for me… But I was also the girl for him.

And, once again, I realize his feelings before he does.

"I love you, Lucas." I confess. It doesn't really matter that he doesn't know he loves me, for I'll always be waiting for him.

"I love you too, Pretty Girl." His voice never sounded so sweet in my ears, so I close my eyes and smile.

And I know that moment Emily Dickinson's words are true… Lucas Scott is never going to die…

…For I'll forever love him.

**The End.**


End file.
